|
Some forty-five years ago I stood before Abbot Killeen when he asked the ritual question, "What do you seek?" Along with my classmates I answered, "God's mercy…and the brotherhood of this community".
People still ask me why I became a Norbertine. How did I hear God's call? The easy answer is that I just knew this was what I had to do.
The answer given on my application for admission to the Norbertines was the expected one: "I want to serve God and help people". True enough, but it doesn't get to that inner conviction; it doesn't reflect the passion necessary for a life commitment.
Vocation begins with desire and with God. At age 18, I could not have put into words what really called me to the Abbey. In looking back, it is clear that the ritual dialogue between the Abbot and the candidates holds the key to my vocation.
"What do you seek?" Desire is at the heart of spirituality and at the heart of vocation for all of us. Ronald Rolheiser, in his popular book, The Holy Longing, describes spirituality in terms of what we do with our desires. It is our deep down longings, our fundamental desires that shape our lives and direct our loves.
Our religious tradition can seem suspicious of desire, confusing desire with the unruly passions. Yet without desire, without healthy passion, life has no direction.
One of the first reflection exercises I use in class with my students is an exploration of wants and desires. Through a repetitive completion of the statement "I want…" students begin to move beyond the superficial attractions to more basic desires, to the purposes in life that really matter. Most often what really matters is the desire for authentic relationship and that one's life can make a difference.
In my own experience, the ritual response placed on my lips: "God's mercy…and the brotherhood of this community" summarizes what has, in fact, been at the heart of my longing. It is God's call to me.
To ask for God's mercy reflects the fact that from early childhood the mystery of God has fascinated me. The divine Presence in nature, in art, music and liturgy, in the lives of the saints and in the experience of ordinary people consistently demands my attention and focuses my energy.
The desire for "the brotherhood of this community" acknowledges the deeply human need for authentic relationship. Together these desires have brought me to a ministry centered on reflecting, sharing and fostering the experience of God for self and others.
This is my role as a priest, a teacher and a spiritual director. This ministry is nourished by a community of brothers, of "apostolic friends" whose goal is to live "one in mind and heart on the way to God".
Religious vocation is no different from any other vocation. It is not of itself better or nobler or more spiritual or pleasing to God than a secular calling. Vocation is a matter of discerning God's voice and responding to it.
That voice is heard in our deepest selves, in the interaction of our deep desires, our abilities, our circumstances and the needs of the world around us.
If a sense of vocation takes seriously the desires that shape our lives, I am not at all surprised that my life has taken the form it has. God and relationship are at its core.
Details, how this plays out, shift and change according to circumstance, but continue to embody the desires that have been God's gift, indeed, God's Presence within.
|
